Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
