Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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