glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
