I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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