I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
