she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
