Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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