i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
