We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
