oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
false alarm, still single
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