Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
