I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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