so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
