I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
