I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
