I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's rum buckets o'clock
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
