Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
