wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
