i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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