I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
