now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
