we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
