Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
