mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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