So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
