thus making me awesome and them whores
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
