I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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