The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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