i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
