I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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