i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
