She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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