I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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