did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
