So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
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I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
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