What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
cat food counts as protein by the way
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
