Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
