put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
