It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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