true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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