Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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