Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
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So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
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