I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
