He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize