Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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