Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
