I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
