She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
