Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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