One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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