I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
