She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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