His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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