im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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