First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
