you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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