she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
