I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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