is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
