At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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