He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
