Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
