I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
