I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
