margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
