I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
