This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
4 words: hood of his car
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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