Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize