Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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