She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
