tell your sister to shave her snatch
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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