We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
