If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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