some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize