we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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