Kiss
Puke
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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