It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
